Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
