the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
