You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
