I will die if light touches me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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