so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
