I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
