He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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