remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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