I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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