I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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