..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
