as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
