Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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