im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
