it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
