I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
