You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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