eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
