If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
