i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
