i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
