I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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