My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
