All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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