I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
