just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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