This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
