I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just high enough for therapy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
