She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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