Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
