I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
