I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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