the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
