All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
