Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
