I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Your dad touched me again.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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