Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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