what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Randomize
