I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
