im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
