Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
