I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dick has a subreddit
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
