Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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