i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
