I think I won the penis lottery.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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