We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
