if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
