fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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