did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
