should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
