Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Blood and glitter go together right?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
